17/F/California
Locale: So. California
Major: Game Art and Design
Status: I'm VERY Taken!
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Tuesday, January 13, 2004
As Always and Featuring Typos
Tiger_Goddess current mood is:  SmugCurrently Playing: "Invisible" Clay Aiken ***"What are you doing tonight,I wish I could be a fly on your wall..."
I wanted to put something smart, or insightful here. But, I guess I'm not smart. Either that or my jaw hurts too much from having my wisdom teeth extracted a week ago. Where does one start when recalling three months of their life? I suppose I'll start nowhere, it'll all just come bit by bit...Sit back, this is going to take a while...
We'll begin with last week, topic: wisdom teeth.
Who needs em? Well, everyone but me seemed to think I sure as heck didn't. In fact, my entire life I was told I would most likely never
"'We're going to want to remove your appendix. Now, don't be alarmed, you're not in ANY danger by having an appendix, but you don't NEED an appendix, so how about we just go ahead and cut it outta you? Now now, don't look so frightenned, why are you resisting so much?...'"
have an issue. I wasn't having an issue. To understand this, you need to imagine someone coming up to you at about age ten and saying "We're going to want to remove your appendix. Now, don't be alarmed, you're not in ANY danger by having an appendix, but you don't NEED an appendix, so how about we just go ahead and cut it outta you? Now now, don't look so frightenned, why are you resisting so much? We just want to knock you out, stick an IV in your arm and slice open your abdomen. Then just think, you'll never have to worry about it again for the rest of your life." Oh joy, sign me up now. Or....NOT. But what can I say my father said he'd pay to have them removed as long as I got the surgery done while I was under 18. So, I decided to get all four of my wisdom teeth removed on the chance that hey, I'd rather not gamble, and pay for it later, literally (once again, even though my entire life my mother and I were led to beleive it shouldn't be an issue). Personally, i think it all comes down to a dentist/surgeon lookign to pocket an easy 2,000 off of my dad who seemed fairly, not to be mean, gullible. So, the operation itself was...well, okay, woke up numb, realtively happy. Ha, that only lasted about twenty minutes. To spare you all the details, I know have four new holes in my body, a sore jaw, and a weeks worth of fairly painful stuff under my belt of experience. Guess now I can be one of those people who gets to grimmace and go, "Oh god, not that!" whenever someone I know has wisdom teeth issues and needs to have them extracted.
Then there was college.
I suppose I should have warned everyone. I'm the sort of person who has priorites. And I don't mean the sort such as this weekend I want to get as much sleep as possible, then get some stuff done for school, maybe get laid before I'm 18. Nuh uh. I'm talking a wole set of goals for today, this week, next year, my life. So, while a blog is definately a positive channel of my creative energy, and I believe a nice public outfit for my time, it didn't fit in with my very first quarter in the college of my dreams. I needed to be serious like that kid who always sat in the front of class in high school nodding enthralled with the Math teacher's recollection of his experience with te Donner party. Okay, so, not that bad, I had time to do a little socializing between classes and some talking when the professor was turned. But when truth comes down to it, to be honest with you, I'm the sort of person who gets her assignments done days early and with ten times the effort, text, research and general BANG of everyone else. This doesn't mean I didn't miss you all, and lay in bed at night longing for the touch of my keyboard benetah my palms, wishing to blog just ONE entry. But being completely realistic, I didn't have time for this site. But now, now I've got the routine down and I think i can manage about two to three updates a week. With that said, regarding college...It's er, interesting. Kind of like high school but with a LOT more guys. I don't spend much time on campus since I commute, and has been mentionned before the majority of my peers are 18-23 year old single males who talk nonstop about sex, but you can quite obviously tell they've never had sex because of how cheap and horny eerything is they say. And then of course you stand back and think to yourself (when surtrounded by people like this), what if they've really HAD sex?! What if there really are people out there willing to patake in such activities with these so called men. And you stand there, in your own private world and shudder...then smile widely and thank God it's not you.
My Grades you Ask?
Now there's a touchy subject if I've heard one. My first quarter grades....I HATE them. Yes, hate is a very strong word children, I realize this, that is why I use it here in this instance. *smiles broadly* I recieved four As and a B+ for my final end
"'Why don't I just swallow a porcupine and do fifty jumping jacks, because that might be more pleasant!'"
of quarter marks. You say, 'Good job Jenna, pat yourself on the back,' I say, 'Why don't I just swallow a porcupine and do fifty jumping jacks, because that might be more pleasant!' So, why the B+, and what was it in you ask? Well, the grade was in Fundamentals of Drawing, whish explains half of my discontent. The excuse my professor gave me was because I 'had perhaps the most talent in my class, yet showed no marked improvement in my final showcase.' Okay, so you say, I'm just being one of 'those students' who's 'not satisfied with anything less than perfect.' And I respond by telling you I would have rather recieved three Bs and two As then falling so short after giving my all. And this, this is the root of my anger on this topic. My Professor, Mr. Hoang, instructed the entire class to display ther six strngest pieces of work from th quarter at the final showcase. So, naturally, I chose my six last pieces of art, being my strongest. This was out of 14 pieces of art mind you. Based on which, he made his comment of no marked improvement. Well duh, i didn't put my worst piece of art up there next to my best because you said OUR 6 BEST!!!!! I confrnted him with this, and the fact that he never ONCE approached me regarding any technique or area I needed t improve in. I explained how I had been in clas a half an hour before class started, and left no sooner than the dismissal EVERY SINGLE DAY. On top of it, I had turned in every assignment, and spent more than the required amount of time on each piece of art. He in turn tried to explain to me that a B+ was just as good as an A. Well then, if it's so close, why not mark me as an A student , which I feel I am? Only two students got As. Guess my name wasn't on the dart board when he threw blindly.
To Be In Love...
Ah yes, the familiar scent of me gushing on about my beloved Ryan. You didn't think you were going to esape with a post that didn't mention him, did you? Ahahaha *evil laughter* Well, our one year anniversary officially came...and passed, and no break up! How's that, eh? Lol, I joke, but really all that anniversaries should be about are 1) having a date to show people on a calandar and go, LOOK, you thought we'd never make it but we did!!!!!!! This applies whether it's a year, or as is necessary in some cases every week or so. And then 2) looking back and kind of reflecting with your loved one an all of the hard times that you've been through as well as all of those good times. While, as most of my readers know, Ryan lives accross the country from me in the qaint town, er state of Rhode Island. So we weren't technically together on our anniversary, BUT I did get to see him the day after Christmas, all through that following weekend and on Monday and Tuesday as well. People like my cousin seem only interested in whether we 'shagged' or how much 'time we spent beneath the mistletoe.' I say, get a life. But it has been a year, what I, days before, called the first year of my life. It's hard to write about love, especially being so young. People tend to think love is something Justin and Britney had *coughs* no comment.
"...love really isn't something for others to judge."
But, though I joke, I know love really isn't something for others to judge. Noone really knows what it is between two people besides them. There is no real way to describe love that I can find, because to me, it means so many things. To be in love with Ryan means to cry with him, to care when he hurts and know he cares when I hurt as well. It means I can hear his voice on the phone or read a letter from him and forget about everything else going on in my life instantly. To me, love is feeling so incredibly safe and needed in his arms. Our love isn't, 'he took me to Homecoming and we got to third base in the back of his ferrari, then he said I was really swell and put my picture in his wallet, we've been dating a whole six weeks now.' I like to think we've earned a little respect from those who know us, that maybe even though we're young, people don't look at Ry and I and go, it's just another typical teenage 'love.' Then there's the 'You're a fool to think it'll last.' Well, you know what, I heard that 12 months ago, eight months ago, six months ago, and we're still here. So, give me one good reason why I should care whether anyone thinks we'll last. I'm not some dumb cheerleader who'se definition of love if the star quarterback winning a game in her name. I realize life happens, but I also know life happens in more ways then breakups. I believe some peopel are just meant to be together. So what if the average teenage couple doesn't stay together? In case you've missed this little detail, I'll let you in on a secret, I am NOT an average teenager, and we're not an average couple. So, to conclude this little ramble, Ryan Jaymes Todd is my boyfriend, we've been officially dating since December 21, 2002; and as far as I'm concerned he's the best thing in my life.
One Bidder, Two Bidder...
I've been doing the whole e-bay thing, trying to earn a little extra cash and all. It's funny, because before I'd sell on ebay I'd be browsing auctions and get so furious at all these sellers who had the shipping rates set at about 5 dollars for a CD. And then I became one. And now I understand. It's not the seller's fault, but people are actually crazy enough to see an auction start at .25 and bid with S&H at $5.00, than see the very same item for auction at say $3.25 with $2.00 S&H. If you look, you'll realize that the winning bidder pays the exact same amount of money either way, but there's some psychologicalthing where the consumer HAS to pay as little as possible for the item itself. Or perhaps...there's just a massive amount of ignorance on shipping rates in America. But so anyway, I've got an ebay account now. I sell mainly items you can find at your local Hot Topic or Claire's stores. Though the thing is, not everybody has these stores near them, or bother to actually go to the mall and find the bargains I take advantage of. So, what I do is take the time to bargain shop perfectly brand new, excellent condition, say spike chokers, but them for fifty cents each then sell them at starting bid $2.00. Because the winning bidder pays for shipping and handling I actually make a profit. And trust me, there's a bunch of people out there with the VERY SAME idea. And, for now, there seems to be room for all of us.
Will I Being Seeing More of You?
And the answer is...YES! I promise! and look for new quotes from my new favorite comedian Eddie Izzard, a new interface, and many new pics and such. Also, I'm just putting this post up now, so I won't be adjusting any of the interactive features, such as the webcam shot of the day, for a while.
Posted at 11:11 pm by Tiger_Goddess
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Tiger_Goddess current mood is:  mellow
Currently Playing: 'You May Be Right' Billy Joel ("You may be right, I may be crazy...but it just may be a lunatic you're
looking for. Turn out the lights, don't try to save me. You may be wrong,
for all I know, but you may be right.)
Yeeeeeehah!
Well; I can already hear it coming, so before I get to updating everyone I have a sort of short tangent/ramble to induldge in. My dad's gonna read this and point out how I have so much to say here, among mentioning some of his other popular opinions. And I just want to say; as I'm sure any bloggers out there will verify blogs really can be about expressing yourself. Which is what I do here. And I'm sorry to my father if I just find it so much easier to communicate this way. I didn't start this blog for my parents, really I didn't. But my father, I think he 'got a hold of' the link, because I don't remember giving it to him...and I really don't care if he has it. My point is, as was stated way back in my first posts, this is a place to mainly stay in contact with those I care about as well as ofer a ort of unrestricted personal creative outlet. It's also nice to know there are people out there I've never met before who have constrctive comments and support. So, all this to say; my parents have had access to this address for quite some time, and they as well as any relatives of mine are more than welcome to visit as often as they want...But I will nto edit my content, or express myself anydifferent to fit my audience. I made a promise to myself if that's what ti comes to the blog goes because it will have defeated all of my original purposes in creating this site to begin with. When I call my reader's my fans; you're also my friends, my family online, some of you even in real life. And I will remain dedicated to offerring accurate updates on my life as well as hoenst opinions and satire. Thank you all again for caring, reading, and commenting it means a lot. And without further postponement...the update:
Mondays; well, they're shaping up to be very exhausting days. This week was my first Monday classes, Fundimentals of Drawing at 7:30 am, and Fundimentals of Design at 12:00 pm, that's a four-thirty wake up call and early morning freeway commute. I tend to make okay time, though at some points it seems like I'm sitting on the freeway instead of actually getting somewhere. I never knew the traffic could be so bad at fifteen till six in the morning; it was packed today. Anyhow, I have a pretty tame teacher for FOD; though I'll admit the advanced class portfolios freaked me out. I am s absolutely anti pen-and-ink perspective drawing...see I just hate drawing skyscrapers, I had enough of that in high school mandatory Design classes. For now though, we spent a few hours drawing ordinary objects, such as a wrench, screw, and some odd screwy-bracket thingy. (Hey, I never said I was great at describing things, anyhow it's nto that important in the perspective of things). Then, the second half of class was spent drawing hands, which sounds probably as thrilling to you as it does to me. Our home work is to finish five hands and five items by the following Monday. I'm estimating about another three plus hours of sketching probably more left... The people in that class are probably my favorite group, we talked about RPGs for a good hour and half. I was talking to my new friend, Kelly, about FF and manga then there were people all around us chiming in. I should probably mention that the people in these basic classes ar from all sorts of Art majors, everyone but Culinary really.
So, to take a little detour and discuss some of the student body I'm famliar with...There's Kelly, the girl I met at orientation, Game Art and Design major; her favorite shirt must be this Duck Hunt one cause she's always wearing it. She reminds me of Emmaly, which is good so I guess you could say she feels like home, lol. We've got at least a hundred similar interests, so I'm hoping we'll keep eachother company the enxt three years seeing as there are four, yes, FOUR out of 32 GAD female students, that means there are 28 males in my major this quarter. That's a double increase folks! So there's Kelly...and there's Roman, a GAD student I first met in Computer Apps, btu turns out I have him in three of my classes. He loves FF, and just immediately broke into ym convos with Kelly on Final Fantasy XI. He's about six feet, long dirty blonde hair and this boots which put mine to shame, about fifty buckles too; quite the character. I'm pretty sure he's harmless...lol, that's a joke :P There's also still Jared, the animation guy I first met at orientation; he always says 'hi' to me and goes otu fo his way to just make convos here and there. Not quite sure what to call him, I suppsoe a friend, maybe a stalker; naw, he's just friendly. Anyhow, he confuses me, I'll keep you guys updated. But,a s you'll
"There's the guy Kelly refers too as 'Sunshine' a punk from Wisconsin..."
see, most guys at this school confuse me, they're very odd as to when they communicate with us girls and when they don't...There's a nice guy named Chris who has an adorable smile and hardly ever says a word, but occasionaly turns around in Color Theory and watches me and antoher grl work. There's the guy Kelly refers too as 'Sunshine' a punk from Wisconsin, who has to be the BEST character I've met so far, he has this yellow blong mohawk which just rocks and a really witty humor, always amkign us laugh. Nice friendly guy, which just goes to support that don't judge a book by it's cover theory. Anyhow we're at an Art school, yous ee everything here...Like the ten asian interior design students. I was walking back from the parking garage with my supply kit Monday, and I started talking to a boy in ym class, I believe his American anme is Chris, but I'm a little hazy. It was really cool because he was jsut being friendly and asked me about where I live and I told him I commuted, and he said he had a commute similar to mine and had to get up around 5 am to drive to school. We had a ncie laugh over my getting up at 4:30, you know 'girls' And the poor guy was so overwhelmed with all the gfirls in his profession interior design, and I told him I was ovewhelmed cause my major was all guys, so that's how I met my first interior design student, lol. but the students seem to be eally nice, especially the boys which is great because I'm sure the situation coud be really awkward, btu everyone's nice and mature, yay!
So, second half of Mondays are FODesign, and my professor ( I have all male teachers this quarter), is soooo incredibly picky about being flawless in your artwork. We're talkign inking things in like letters, I mean tracing. And it is near impossible to be anywherre near perfect, I'm freaking and I'm a perfecitonist. Who would have thought aranging and tracing letters inside boxes could be sooooo hard? I can do the visualization no problem, btu the pen is maing me thow a fit...
Weds, I have Computer Applications at 7:30 am, which appears to be a fairly easy class. On one hand I'm disappointed that so far my teacher seems most interested with hearing his own voice than actually teaching something...and on another, I don't mind havign a break. Although it is QIUTE hard to stay awake through a computer applications class at 7:30 am after waking up at 4:30 and driving for an hour or so. X_x Not fun, but that goes for many things so oh well *shrugs* Color Theory's at 12:30 pm, and it's erm, well just liek ti sounds. An entire four hours once a week eleen weeks on colors and theories, how to use colors the history of coloring... Today's assignment was to sit down without any other instruction and draw a piece of art entitled "A Bus and a Dog On The Way To The Insane Asylum" then color it in fully. We re-drew it and colored using strictly the primary colors, I'm not even going to put up my original because I am thoroughly embarassed by it, lol. At least I have no colro theory home work. Don't worry, Monday's classes will have no problem making up for that...
Fridays I only have English in the afternoon, it's my only General Education class. We had a homework assignment to write a narrative essay last Friday. I just sat down Friday night and spent about 3 1/2 hours on it, got my rough done, and have been slightly tweaking ti throughout the weak. *crosses fingers* I turn it in for critique Friday, so I'm hoping it goes well. I'm still a little annoyed that I didnt' get the professor who makes you read Harry Potter, grrr, no I had to get the teacher that assigns three essays a week! JOY! But I suppsoe I liek writing, so it won't be that bad, feel sory for the others though...muwahahahaha.
Outside of school, I've been fairly busy. I've started, and am planning to continue to make/cook a meal from scratch each week, and do my own laundry. Along with homework, commuting, regular chores, the van needs to be washed every week cause of the Pacific Coast Highway route, I'm broke so I need to get some extra cash washing my dad's van here and there....so you can see I've been
"I really don't mind putting my blog aside for weekly updates, or not watching Gilmore Girls, and just being all bussiness and Ryan, and famly of course. To be honest though, I've been so exhausted lately..."
fighting for my time with Ryan. I really don't mind putting my blog aside for weekly updates, or not watching Gilmore Girls, and just being all bussiness and Ryan, and famly of course. To be honest though, I've been so exhausted lately, and I've had two headaches this week, I was doing pretty good at not having them...Unfortunately, this kinda confirms a stress relation to my headaches. I can't afford to have a major headache when I need to get a major assignment done so I need to work on this. And I've been hearing that I need to take some time each day to just breathe and well 'go to a place where I can step back and remind myself of what it feels like to be in control' Which is usually Ryan. I cna't help it, and I feel bad that I'm not spending the tiem with my dad; btu reality is I need to talk to ryan for my sanity,Emmaly's been gone and I think Chelsea might be angry with me or jsut really busy. And when it comes to it, I can jsut relax best when I'm sitting ehre talking about how good it feels to be young and in love. Go ahead, it sounds cheap, I don't care I'm finding it all t be true. But I got up at 4:30 this morning, er, yesterday morning, and I'm barely typing now. I'm actually gonna get an horu of homework done when I sign up...then i figure get about eight hours of sleep,a nd get up and do more homework, start plannign this weeks meal. *sighs* There's soooo much more to say, but I really should go. You all can leave me a Private Messages, or tag my board; as always I lvoe to ehar what you have to say. Take care everyone...Oh and Mivida, can you like e-mail me your number, pweease? I wanna call!
THIS IS A TYPO WARNING, PELASE EXCUSE MY HORRIBLE TYPOS, I UNDERSTAND MY TYPING MUST RESEMBLE..WELL SOMETHING, I'M TIRED, SORRY. I'LL COME BACK AND SPOT CHECK TOMORROW.
~Jenna
Posted at 01:22 am by Tiger_Goddess
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
I do believw, however that I will be forced to move this blog to weekly updates, kind of like the massive one from about a week ago. I'm sorry if this is an inconvinience, btu I do wish to keep bloggin, but am currently trying to fall into a schedule with college. I hope all of my fans will continue to visit, and I look forward to going through college with you! *hugs to all* If it's easier, I suggest you sign up for automatic e-mail updates so you don't have to check back all the time. I'll be updating soon everyone, take care!
~Jenna
Posted at 04:05 pm by Tiger_Goddess
Monday, October 06, 2003
Why They Call It the Blues...
Tiger_Goddess current mood is:  eager
Currently Playing: Sheets of Egyptian Cotton Jesse Spencer ("Ships crossing like ghosts in the night, Names on rememberred faces in sight,take what we can, need to survive. Words, exchanging kisses, and you leave me starved and confused. I'll wait and see, what unfolds, don't have what I need; girl now, I love you so. Nanana nanana, sheets of Egyptian cotton. Nanana nanana sheets of Egyptian cotton... Motion-less raptures reveal the give and take, become what's real, leave only the memories that we steal. Eyes passing glances, regains the time of rememberred seconds again, I'll wait and see what unfolds. Don't have what I need, girl now I love you so...Let your feelings reveal the naked truth, come reveal what you need, cause you know I need it too. Now my feelign is ready to uncover you; I wanna feel my warmth near close to you, girl don't you feel so cold...Nanana nanana, sheets of Egyptian cotton. Nanana nanana, sheets of Egyptian cotton.")
Well, I suppose I owe everyone a little explination, it's been about two weeks since my last update. And, while, if you read my blog my absence should come as no surprise; I decided to take an extra week off of blogging when I returned from my trip back East. I start classes Wednesday, so I've been extremely busy just getting everything in line so I have no lose ends when I get started at school.
My trip was incredible, as always; the East coast is like a whole new world compared to Southern California. The weather it turns out was actually no worse than the overcast patterns here lately. I spent Wed, Thurs, and most of Friday visiting with my father's family. Did some clothes shopping, went and saw Uptown Girls at a second run theater. Let me say now, I'm not sure it was worth the dollar seventy-five, but the soundtrack has beocme one of my new obsessions. That'll explain today's lyrics. Friday evening my grandparents and I met up with Ryan's mother, brother, and of course Ryan for dinner at our designated meeting place (The Cracker Barrel). Dinner was, er, interesting; seeing as my grandparents seem to always get along so well with Ry's mom, but it could just be them. Friday night, Ryan and I watched Pearl Harbor till after midnight, only to be drug out of bed the following morning at the crack of dawn. I have no idea how long we were acually driving after we picke dup Ry's Aunt, but lemme say it was a long trip (due to seating accomadations). Our destination: The Big E a HUGE state fair coverring about 4 or 5 East coast states. Well, girls, I'm sure you all know that deciding to break in a new pair of strappy sandals at a fair is not exactly the optimal idea...nonetheless, that's what I did. And lucky for me I had a boyfriend there to play the concerned accomidating part. Ryan was real sweet about it, seeing as it was after all, my fault that my feet were bleeding with two and a half hours left of the fair. The day, was possibly
"I explained how Ryan had been 'sleeping on me during the ride' Well I don't suppose that sounded any better..."
surprisingly, an absolute blast, I just eat up all that little overlooked stuff about having a significant other. You know, the hand holding, and just plain having someone there, just one on one attention. The fair was huge, and we didn't even see half of it, spending most of the time circling the outer grounds and shamelessly poking fun at the booths. Afterwards, I was just about dead, had a slight headache, my feet were killing me and I'd had a sore throat all morning. The drive back to Ry's Aunt's house was nice, seeing as Ryan slept through most of the ride up to the fair; God knows how early the boy got up that morning (between you and me, I don't think he's as resiliant when it comes to everchanging sleep patterns). Anyhow, we ate dinner at his Aunt and Uncle's place, pizza, pretty much all I ate thtat day, but then again I really wasn't hungry all afternoon. It was kinda cute; right before we left, Ryan's mom pointed out some glitter on Ryan's face...Well, I defensively declared I wasn't wearing any glitter...but I forgot I was wearing a new shirt and of course all over my chest was silver glitter. Ryan and I must've turned fifty shades of red, it was jsut one of those momments. I explained how Ryan had been 'sleeping on me during the ride' Well I don't suppose that sounded any better, hahaha, so we all had a good innocent laugh. I'm not one to just easily embarass, but if I was anywhere near as red as Ryan, lol :P Sunday, my feet were a mess, and I had an even worse sore throat (turns out that I was really just beginning to get sick). I hadn't brought any other shoes with me to Ryan's place, so that afternoon everyone headed out shopping and Ryan and I just kind of hung out in the back of the car talking and kind of watchign the time pass till we'd have to say goodbye. I did, however make it into Best Buy and Sam's Club, where Ry bought me this life-size stuffed Goofy. I swear it is one of the coolest things ever, but maybe that's just cause of where I was and who I was with when I got it. We' promised ourselves not to cry this time, but I'm sure, those promises will never work. Ryan started getting real silent in Best Buy and for a little bit I thought I'd done soemthing wrong...but I do believe he was the one who started crying in the back of the car with me. I can never explain this, nor do I really need to seeing as it's really a personal thing; but leaving Ryan still stands two of the toughest things I've ever had to do. If you don't know what it feels like, if you don't believe loving someone can hurt so
"...and I remember all I could say in response was 'I know we'll be okay, but that doesn't stop it from hurting so much.' "
much, I assure you it's real. I remember Ryan holding me, telling me it was going to be okay, and I remember all I could say in response was 'I know we'll be okay, but that doesn't stop it from hurting so much.' And I was right, only this time it didn't hurt immediately after we'd parted ways. But if I wasn't balling my eyes out on the plane again... and with all that said in far too less words then it deserves, I'd do it fifty more times, I'd cry and hurt just as much if only for another afternoon with Ryan. And now that I'm back, we are okay, we're still strong as ever, and I feel so incredibly lucky for having what I have with Ryan. The flight back home on Tuesday, was awful, outside of just being a wreck emotionally, I never like leaving the East Coast to begin with, without having to leave Ryan behind now as well. I was SO sick, went through an entire box of tissues twice on the planes, just plin couldn't breathe. I was at the height of my cold/flu, absolutely, just plain, miserable. I hope noone ever has to fly sick like that because I was wishing myself dead at some points, I could even feel the heat just emitting form my body, stuck soaring miles about the Earth so trapped and very claustrophobic. Of course my first flight came in an hour late, leaving me running to catch my second flight...EXACTLY what I needed....yeah...right. By the time I got to LAX I just wanted to go home and curl up in a ball and sleep for days. Thankfully, I kept myself fairly medicated, and now currently only carry a slight cough from that bout. Unfortunately....it appears I seem to have managed to pass on my illness to Ryan's family :( Last I heard they were doing significantly better thoguh, lol, I just may not be allowed anywhere near there property for several years.
Since I've returned time has just been flying by, I've been scrambling to simply get all my stuf from the trip cleared away. Wrapped some Christmas gifts, and am feeling terribly lost on the whole 'this years 'Christmas card design' issue. I have mail to send to Ryan and Emmaly and Chelsea again, and feel like the extremely broke college student everyone has been desperately trying to portray me as. It is kind of nice though, sort of been taking charge of my business, my room's a mess but hopefully tomorrow I will have it spotless and ready to become my 'Art Student Karma-Zine' ahahaha, any takers on how long it will take to utterly clutter my room? Ugh, I don't want to think about it, I always take forever cleaning things, it's just the lack of time spent preventing things from requiring the cleaning that throws me.
Saturday was orientation. I think I spotted all of five girls in my major, the one I talked to just rambled on about how cool it was to have 'such odds' with the guys. I had to roll my eyes and laugh, I don't think the guys in my major are the sort who are looking desperately for some serious attention to keep them warm on long nights. Am I right or not, don't gamers usually, well, live a life dedicated to games? lol, I don't consider my peers man-meat, I've got quite a good piece of man meat already dedicated to me, thank-you-very-much. Plus, those guys seemed pretty miffed at the idea of girls in the Game Art and Design major, I'll just have to show them...muwahahaha. I must say I did however meet many guys from the Animation department, seeing as the first year course-line of our two majors are hand in hand. The animation guys are soooo nice! I was also surprised at how many couples there were, I mean, if there was a girl, she was most likely hanging onto her significant other. Anyhow, you might as well have counted me there for all the right reasons, I ate everythng up, just people watching and wanderring around like a kid in a candy store. I'm so psyched, and at the same time extremely intimidated by the whole experience. Wed. I have Computer Applications (blah) and Color Theory (should be fun). It turns out this guy I was hanging out with at orientation has the same Wed/Mon schedule as me, he's in animation though but who cares? So I at least know one person in class. He didn't seem too horrified at the prospect of being seen with me, lol, so I think I'll hang around him until I expand my friend circle.
Perhaps we now call for a classic blog enty..so to say, today's blog?
Well, me being the lucky gal I am, I stumbled out of bed this morning to stub my little toe into the edge of my old laptop. Needless to say a colorful array of nonesensical sayings spewed form my mouth as I grabbed my foot and fell back to bed. Of course the chore I HAD TO put off last night came back to bite me, this is what you get for procrastinating folks, vacuuming the entire house with a limp this afternoon. When I first sat down to start up this entry, I immediately walked away; i'm not the sort who'll just sit down and type everything that comes to her mind. I mean, I am, but I'd be here all afternoon if I just blabbered a bunch of junk noone cares about. For example the last three sentences, lol.
I've taken note that a new season has begun on TV, all the premieres being the past two weeks, which is something I wouldn't have noticed at all had my grandparents not ben such big television fans during my visit. I'd be a hypocrt if I didn't admit my intentions fo watchign Gilmore Girls Tuesday nights, the show actually has good writing deservign enough of an horu of my life a week. But, as the glowing tube changes season, the holiday season is nearing rapidly. Thsi time of year always seems to fly by, before I know it, it'll be 2004. I feel like I'm enterring that phase of life (spanding 60 some odd years) in which every year number from here out is just anotherumber ont he calander....Although I think soemwhere on my liscence it says I'll be 21 in 2007? lol. But truly, I am comitted to actually enjoying the holidays this year, for whatever aspects I have control of, I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth. Haven't carved a pumpkin ina few years, and that's the first way I intend on having a little fun in the excuse of holidays. Besides, Halloween should naturally be a big draw for art students with the costumes and carvings and all, right? So any suggestis fr a theme for my pumpkin? lol
Ryan had a dance on Saturday, and i am inexpressibly glad that he had a good time, because that's exactly the sort of thing I used ot enjoy in high school. Even if I was really really jealous, and wished I were there Saturday (not too mention bored out of my mind, lol), I stand by my belief that everyone should enjoy high school....But I must say that belief's expanding, shouldn't we all just plain enjoy life? I know, I knwo, easier said than done...
In other random news...Emm's birthday is ont he 22nd, i painted my toes a ruby red and feel like dorothy, and you all have soem amjor rants about gifts and materialism and the holidays to look forward to in the upcoming months! I'm all typed out for now, so hopefully we(I) can all get back on track, and my blog will resemble something of the normal disorderly rambling and tangents.
Posted at 09:53 pm by Tiger_Goddess
Saturday, October 04, 2003
Major Update Coming Monday....I Promise! Posted at 07:09 pm by Tiger_Goddess
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Tiger_Goddess current mood is:  menihically seductive
Currently Playing: Nothng Compares (To You) Sinead O- Conner ( "I put my arms around ever boy I meet, but it only
reminds me of you...")
Arg. My life just....well, it's complicated.
Chelsea just got off after reviewing the whole Hannah/Ryan issue from Friday. Didn't exactly make me feel good, was acting like I'm making a reall dumb mistake in taking a chance and letting it slide. I don't know I suppose that's typical, like when a lover cheats on the other, but such is not the case here. See, noone was there, noone read the entire mess unfold. Yes, I'm a third party myself. I'm not Hannah or Ryan...I promised myself a long time ago I wouldn't let history repeat, and so I
"It's not something I'd risk without immense belief to the contrary."
know I will be lost if it does. It's not something I'd risk without immense belief to the contrary. For all who are wonderring, today is Ryan and my 9 month anniversary. I would like with this post to place the whole incident from Friday away, everyone has heard about it now, and everyone has said their piece. Let it be nothing more than something that never should have hapenned, and a reason to act a little more intelligent (on all parties) next time...Don't tell me to break up with the guy, don't act like he cheated on me, by definition, neither Ryan or Hannah claim they did anything considerred cheating. I am, and was at the time convinced, Hannah's intent was to cause troubele her arguement was choppy, she contradicted herself, and seemed to have extreme reservations when I asked her to clarify things she said...I love Ryan, he loves me; we live a country apart, and amazingly, this is the first such issue we've had. That's pretty damn good in my book. Here's to another three months (for a year), and many years after that...
Yesterday was really hectic, running around shopping and getting errands taken care of before I leave for the East Coast late tomorrow night. Got the errands done but I'm afraid there wasn't much luck with shopping, just wasn't in the mood and I felt fat, so it was one of those days. Read a good book yesterday (well, technically I have 38 pages left). I just love the MTV pocket paperbacks; The Perks of Being a Wallflower being one of the absolute best books I have ever read. It is an absolute must read for both sexes, about all the awkward realities of being a teenage boy and just plain growing up. And I don't mean the flowery stuff, this book is real, it covers the bare realities of high school jocks, to drugs, to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, to negligant parents. It's written well too, with vivid characters and an ending I just had to contemplate. It's a book I've read five times, given as a gift six times, and recommended countless times, still yet to have someone read one of the MTV paperbacks and come back complaining. Currently, I'm reading "Fake, Liar, Cheat" by Tod Goldberg. See, all the MTV paperbacks are around 200 pages, written by various up and coming young authors who submit there stuff to MTV for a yearly contest. Don't think they remotely have anything to do with MTV, they don't; topics vary, and really I've yet to find a book that has anything remotely to do with the station.
It appears the Emmys are on tonight...oh...joy...hear...the joy...in my...typing...If there are a few things televised that I just have no respect for (more than everything else), it's: Dr Phil, Survivor/s, The Man Show, and awards shows. Okay, I can hear the protests bursting from your mouths now. I
"Go ahead, and take offense, but there are great reasons why it's called the 'MAN Show,' instead of the 'Perfectly Witty Humor for Insomniacs Show'..or better yet, 'The View,'"
know all my male readers have just instantly clicked off. Go ahead, and take offense, but there are great reasons why it's called the 'MAN Show,' instead of the 'Perfectly Witty Humor for Insomniacs Show'..or better yet, 'The View,' lol. And, last time i checked I was very FEmale. Persnally, I think just about any gender specific talk show format/ show fails miserably. In the end, there's always a time where you're sitting there, going; 'Okay, this may not be so bad...this is fine, that was funny...wait...okay; now that was sooo MALE/FEMALE. And not in a good way...' It's like here's a show where we can all prove the common stereotypes of single males. Cause you just know married men aren't sitting at home watching the 'MAN Show,' go ahead argue you're a married man who watches that show...It wouldn't be a good thing... You see, more and more the internet is becomign the wasted communication/entetainment device of the 21st century. Just look at all the trash, there oughtta be a virtual dump-yard where all the pervs and annoying pop-up ad creators can go to amuse themselves. I am seriously disappointed with society and where it has taken the internet. Look, I don't care if people go online and get off on nude pics of nineteen year-old asian girls. Whatever, and sure, advertising online is more than fine, but what's with all these 'Catch Ashton Kutcher and win five dollars in free body jewlry!'? Er...riiight, We've all lost it, it's hopeless, so I best begin to accept this because for now the internet is still as much of a necessary tool as it is vast wasteland.
Today's Sunday, and if I recall right, it wa the Bucs who played today and won? That's good...I suppose, I really don't favor a team; there was a time when I might have, but I'll stick to my art and such rather than sports. I must admit though, I'm kind of sadennend by the recent beginning of a new high school football season. The high school by my house lights up the night sky even from our backyard, and I long for the rush of being so niavely innocent as to go to the game for every possible reason except for to watch the game ;) There's something about football I like, and I don't mean the rules, or the teams, or the uniforms. It's just something I connect to youth, just classical, American culture. I never really surrounded myself as much as I'd like to have; only went to a few games, but wow. It's just a part of your life you're never going back too, never again will I be amongst such a clear social ladder, such itntricate games of who's who, and such niavety. High school fooball is about something different for everyone; for the student governement class, it's about school spirt, for the cheerleaders it was about getting dates, being cute in those skirts and knowing hundreds of guys would kill to eb with you even if they didn't know your name; they knew you existed and that matterred. For band, it was about playing their music, not missing a beat, being with friends on Friday
"...in high school football, the only people who are about the game are the people on the field."
nigts. For the rest of us, we all had our own intentions, our own reasons for going. And we all knew it wasn't about the game; in high school football, the only people who are about the game are the people on the feild.
Well, I really must be going, I have chores to finsh and much packing to do. I will see you all same time same place...Adios...
Posted at 08:47 pm by Tiger_Goddess
Tiger_Goddess current mood is:  Yeah, that's right, I'm cool like that.
Currently Playing: Jumper Third Eye Blind (" Everyone I know has got a reason, to say; let's put the past away.")
I'm not quite sure where I'm going half the time I'm heading somewhere.
Well, last time I mention this movie, promise,lol; but i jsut got done watching Here On Earth (Chris Klein and Leelee Sobieski). I figured, I've seen it four times, the fifth, no way I'm gonna cry, right? Ha, well they do this thing at the end, just scanning emotions on peoples faces, and iIknew, I knew it was coming, I was crying before Kelley came back. It's amazing how a film can do that, just pull your emotions into a fictional scenario. Kinda sick if you ask me, I can just see it now some major Hollywood execs sitting aorund discussing how many different ways they can destroy a character's life. Like; "Okay, let's start with the grandma, stroke...while walking the dog, puppies trailing behind, nudging body and whimpering. Lassie, wait, has tha tbeen done? Can we settle for a generric family mut? So anyway, the dog goe sand gets the grandson, little Tony who comes along, brining his fingerpainting to grandma who lived just down the road...Very safe, small community.
Please excuse typos, other half of today's entry was eaten by computer then put on hold...
Picture of mom, and dad, and the baby...But we didn't know about the baby till we see the picture. Then, cut to funeral, grandma's long lost son Mike comes back to town, falls in love with little Tony's mom, they make love, the lilac feild, sunset...But first, kill the father, her husband has to die...gunshot wound, bar fight...no no, too..too degrading, we need, gunshot wound...driving home after hearing brother Mike's in town, stopped by local conveinent shop to pick up celabratory wine. Then, then little Tony's mom miscarries, Mike goes off to war, little Tony gets...lung cancer, no, ...very bad pneumonia, doesn't make it to Christmas,dies Christmas Eve, first three wheeler beneath the tree. But, it's going to be okay, little Tony's mom falls in love again, blind man, suicidal. She brings him purpose, the two make love, end film. There'll be no point, but there's room for a sequal." So, I know, it's black humor, and lord knows reality is just that sick sometimes...So, tell me again why this is cosiderred entertainment? You look at this scenario now, maybe thinking I'm a bit sick and mornid, but I'm sure there's a movie out there, in fact, i know a few, with very very similar premises. Cause remember kids, as long as there's a purpose, as long as you can 'save someone in the end through your own personal strength and sacrifice, life can treat you liek it's punching bag...er....riiight. Great moral. *sighs* I know, when you figure it out, call me.
And...three hours later, lol. It sure is a good thing i backup my entries because the DSL went on the fritz again for the second time today, andI never got o finsih my blog entry...Lucky for you I can just update you tomorrow.. I promise, it'll be better than todays. See you all tomorrow...wow, that's already Sunday!!!!
Will make nice detailed, pretty update tomorrow...
Posted at 04:23 am by Tiger_Goddess
Saturday, September 20, 2003
You Just Can't Walk Away..From The Damage
Tiger_Goddess current mood is:  catgirl, if only understanding guys were that easy...
Currently playing: All Or Nothing O-Town ("Is it all, or nothing at all? There's nowhere left to fall, it's now or never...")
They say pain is only temporary, if you want to look at it that way, so is life.
I cannot say today was dull. Now sometimes, that is a good thing, others not so good. I don't want to trash the eventfullness of today, simply because I've been complaining about how dull it's been. I suppose this is a case of be careful what you wish for.
Well, I woke up early, ten-ish in the morning. Some girl named Gabby has been calling my cell asking for this dude. I suppose after the seventh (no joke) call to my number this past week, she hasn't figured out she's got the wrong number. We even had a discussion in which she repeated my phone number, I verified this was in fact the same number, told her the guy did not use this cell, and
"I watched the last half of Real-Road-World-Rules, or whatever, because I was up so early and there was nothing on while I waited for Days of Our Lives."
she called right back two minutes later! Anyhow, so that's what I woke up to today. I watched the last half of Real-Road-World-Rules, or whatever, because I was up so early and there was nothing on while I waited for Days of Our Lives. Lemme say, I shoulda went back to take another shower, or go outside and admire our lawn, because that was a waste of time...nothing compared to season two of "Drunk Boys on Campus" aka, Fraternity Life or what-not. Unfortunately, I really don't rememebr the next four hours of my life, kinda is a shame looking back now though, lol. But by the time my father got home, I was going stir crazy from being home so long.
So, I'm sitting here drinking a (Peach Tea) Snapple, wonderring how to go about the next part of my day. See, I was getting ready to leave with my dad when Ryan informed me that his friend, Hannah wanted to talk to me. Well, I was very suspicious, and partially wanting to not bother with what I assumed could only get sticky I was right of course in my judgement). See, the background is I've been informed that Hannah 'likes' my boyfriend. And girls, you all know when a female friend of your man wants to talk to you...it's NEVER good. See, I think the following series of events involves stupidity and lies, I'm fairly sure one of the two parties is lying, and both were pretty reckless in the way they went about things. To spare what is already an immensely confusing set of circumstance I'll only elaborate that Hannah claims she felt Ryan asked her out, while Ryan claims he wanted to go out to 'socialize.' See, I'm not an irrational girl, in fact, sometimes that can make me niave, I hope this isn't one of those times. What I'm having most trouble grasping is why, Ryan, supposedly knowing Hannah liked him (after all I heard it straight from his mouth), would have asked Hannah if she wanted to do anything...Of ALL his friends, even female ones, why her, why a one on one event? I'm not angry though, I just can't be angry, because I was talking to them both. Maybe Ry needs to re-evaluate his friends if Hannah was really trying to frame him and tear us apart...I won't even think about what needs t happen if for any reason she wasn't lying at all. It was just, it was one of those least expeted things. I was reading, and listenning, and I couldnt believe the things this girl was saying, acting like until minutes ago she never knew I existed. And it hurt, simply breathing hurt, I feel so incredibly invisble and insignificant. I don't know people, I don't expect you to understand how
"...I love the boy, I do. More than anything I could ever express."
I feel, I love the boy, I do. More than anything I could ever express. Which is why it hurts, why I can't bring myself to understand how he couldn't have seen what was hapenning. Oh god, I need to stop, I'll just work mysef up again, I need some time to cool, and think, to tell myself I can ignore what I should've never seen...
Here on Earth came in today, so speaking of sad...that was a sad movie, but I HAD to order it. Sure, I love pain, lol, it's actually a good sort of crying, it makes you feel fuzzy by the time you're done reapplying your mascera. Besides, I remember the book covers back in Freshman year, so there's something nostalgic about it. Otherwise, I'm so drained, I've kinda lost the appetite to type... I'll see you all tomorrow, and a shout out to Pandie...
The time changes, faces change, people; don't.
Posted at 01:39 am by Tiger_Goddess
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Tiger_Goddess current mood is:  insignificant
Currently playing: A Long December Counting Crows ("All at once you look across a crowded room, to see the way that
light attaches to a girl...")
Grey ceiling on this Earth...
Well, I just had quite conflicting emotions in the past half hour and now I kind of feel out of place, so to say. Have you ever had such hot and cold effects from one momment to the next? It's like you're laughing, reching for the stars one second, then the next someone turns out the light and you realize how small you really are in the darkness...
It's no secret I don't recall my childhood with rose colored glasses. Sadly, most don't, and I've ranted before about it, but it seriously pisses me off when I look around me and see all the single parent families. Until a few years ago, I'd look around at everyone else, and feel glad that my parents were still together, sadly, this was to be considerred 'lucky.' Looking back, and as I realized in the latter years, I had no more of a family than the rest. I used to cry myself to sleep praying the yelling would stop, even if that meant one of my parents going away...There really was no good option, there was immense pain either way. Sometimes, we want so badly to blame someone, to point the finger at the mom, or the dad, or
"Society becomes so consumed in the tragedy of divorce, in the necessity to blame one parent or both, that they forget the purpose for concern; the children."
in personal cases, ourselves. Society becomes so consumed in the tragedy of divorce, in the necessity to blame one parent or both, that they forget the purpose for concern; the children. How many times have we all heard of kids blaming themselves for their parents breakup, or what happens after the breakup? I used to think that too, was riddiculous. What a hypocrite I've been, since I was six I rememebr thinking how my parents wouldn't be arguing if I weren't there, and even after their divorce, blaming myself for the rarety in which I saw my mother...Noone held me back, there was no court ruling preventing us form seeing eachother, and never did I turn my back, yet still I always blame myself. I think we, as humans feel more comfortable when things are explained, layed down before us in black and white, even if we have to resort to using ourselves as scape-goats for the sake of simplicity. It saddens me immensely, when a close to home situation comes up and I can't say anyone it'll be okay, because I'm not sure I'll ever be okay. There are things I just know are true, but the truth never matters when all you can feel is the pain, your pain, and the pain of other people involved..
I want to thak you all for your support on my beauty issue yesterday, especially DrewDawg (whose blog I've misplaced atm). He was thoughtful enough to listen to me off the board last night. He's a very sweet and mature man, I'm sure any girl would be lucky to have him. The emotions seem to have died down now after the discussion and entry; usually all it takes is just getting emotions out, then awaking to a new day. On the brighter side, I'm getting the feeling my eyes have a fan club, lol.
Today, was kinda blurry. I did some menial chores, then worked on a new piece of art (pastel) for about an hour. I'm pleased with how it trned out for the labor time it took. I put together a new MP3 list today, with Blink's Adam's Song and Phantom Planet's remake of Somebody's Baby. Been missing my friends a lot lately; starting to envy those in school, which I know sounds sick and twisted. I'm also gettng stir -rzy and ned to get out of the hosue. I will tomorrow, no matter what, maybe I'll head to the park...
This one's for Ryan; I love you.
Posted at 11:22 pm by Tiger_Goddess
Your Opinion, What Is That? It's Just a Different Point of View
Tiger_Goddess current mood is:  humble
Currently playing: Only For You Code Red ("Only for you...I'd steal a star out of the sky. Only for you...I'd take a gamble
with my life. Boy it's you I aim to please, whatever it takes, i'll do, only for u.")
A thousand praises from their mouths wil never speak as loud as a single response from your heart.
Well, I'm adding an addition to my daily blog entry, because of an event that occured earlier this night/morning. There was a chat going on between myself and a few male blogdrive regulars. I was showing a pic of me that I had taken earlier, and it turned into a kinda photo viewing. Which really felt unbelieveably nice because even if these were complete strangers, it was great to hear compliments, even the underlying ones in statements such as 'let's see another,' And I got to thinking and I felt kind of sad. Because, before I looked at myself and saw someone beautiful, and now I'm just not sure. This has to do with sharing something with people, and getting all this praise, then just being utterly let down when it comes to the only person that you really care about their opinion. I mean, what are you if you can't get a response from the people who matter; a whore. No, I'm not going that far, not calling myself one, but it comes eerily close to what I feel like. When I take a pic of myself it's most of the time for one purpose: to get the attention of a single person. The scraps just end up here on my blog. And it's so weird, because I feel like I'm in limbo, I hear I'm beautiful from complete strangers, but I can't believe it sometimes. Do I get old, is my magnetism momentary, is my beauty just a momment to momment thing? Don't get me wrong, I do not think I'm all that and a bag of chips, by far, in fact the only reason I believe I'm beautiful is because I've heard it from one
"...lately I feel like compliments are becoming cheap. I don't feel like people mean them in the way I want them too..."
person in particular. I've always hated make-up, and always proded myself to getting a guy who can love me for who I am, and not my cup-size. I...I don't know, it's just lately...and I might be reading too much into it, but lately I feel like compliments are becoming cheap. I don't feel like people mean them in the way I want them too, which makes me doubt myself when it comes to the people who do matter. A girl needs to feel attractive/sexy physically as well as beautiful physically. No matter how many times she's told she is sexy because of her humor or smarts, GIRLS, don't we need to feel completely attractive? That, that is why I take pictures, just ordinary pics of myself, and for someone special almost always. *sighs* Some times, one person's words can mean the world, and when there are so few, it's easy to take them to one extreme or the other....And I suppose that after hearing all of the compliments from complete strangers, and rememberring all the regular compliments I've been getting since I put up my blog...I was hurt by the lack of meaningful responses I've been getting lately... What it is is that I'm jealous of everyone out there who has it lucky enough to see their significant other every day. tT hear the 'wow you look nice todays' I don't know how to explain that it's nto about being told I'm beautiful, it's knowing when that person looks at me they're like, 'man, I am one of the luckiest peole in the world, just look at them.' I'm not shallow people, I know I'm loved for my personality and who I am; I'm just envious of the blind stereotypical necessities of day to dy interactions...such as not only being complimented, but doing the complimenting as well. It's grinding on my nerves. And I'm beginnign to think this entire tangent will be uterly misread and completely not understood..*sighs* So think i came to the concluion the best thing to do is just stop sending pics, not out of spite, not because I don't want to anymore, but I only want to eb beautiful to one person, and I don't need to doubt what i already know is true.
They can look all they want, but I breathe for you, whether you feel it or not...
Posted at 05:13 am by Tiger_Goddess
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